I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means? I loved that song when it first came out. Anyway, many men are attracted to a woman with goals, a career, and wealth. But lately, I’m starting to hear quite a few people say “women are too independent these days”. I was even labeled as such at one point. But when I saw an episode of “The Boondocks” tv show make satire of this “epidemic” in their latest season, my mind began to wonder, “What does a woman who is too independent look like?”
I had to ask a male friend for more clarity. My friend defines a women who is too independent as a woman who does not let a man fulfill his role as a man; a woman who makes a man feel unneeded. Dictionary.com defines independent as a someone or something who is not required to rely on others. An independent person, man or woman can accomplish their goals all on their own. However, it does not say that an independent person refuses help, but that they are able to make do without help.
In a relationship, the goal is for two to become one. Therefore their has to be a balance of independence and dependence from both parties.
It seems a “too independent woman” lacks that balance and refuses to be dependent when needed. So then I asked myself why? Why are women these days having trouble being dependent? Here are 7 possible reasons why:
1) She does not want to let go of control
Dependence requires vulnerability. It requires letting go of control and relying on someone else for support. Some aren‘t willing to take that risk.
2) She doesn’t trust your strength as a man
If a woman does not believe that you can accomplish a task she will take care of it for you. Men also like to take their time on certain tasks that women consider urgent. And if our patience runs thin we will take care of it ourselves. Although it may show lack of trust from the woman it shows a lack of consideration from the man.
3) She was taught to “not need a man.”
The “go to school and get a good job so you don’t need a man” line can be dangerous.
Willie Lynch confirmed, “By women being left alone, feeling unprotected, with the male image is destroyed, the ordeal caused her to move from her psychologically dependent state to a frozen, independent state.” Instead of teaching our daughters to reach their goals so they “won’t need a man.” Teach them to go after their goals and ambitions so that they can be great, that they can survive. Teach them about dating and not using independence as defense mechanism.
Some women take pride in their accomplishments and don’t want to share that spotlight with a significant other.
5) Dependence has a bad reputation.
There aren’t many songs being made glorifying dependent women. I think many women associate being dependent as being lazy, or a gold digger. This is why I stress the importance of balance.
6) She doesn’t know when to be dependent
Some women have gotten so use to doing everything on their own that they don’t realize their rejecting a man’s help. So instead of moping around and calling her “too independent” let her know that you’re hear to help her and keep your word. Also be patient as she gets use to the adjustment.
7) There are things a man just cannot do for a woman
There are just certain task that a man cannot do for a woman. Those tasks depend on the woman. Men don’t think a task is too small. For example, I don’t want anybody doing my laundry but me. I like to my laundry a certain way. Don’t ask to help because I will always say no.
With all this being said, I believe the “too independent woman” was definitely created by a man. I don’t think its fair to say that only women can be too independent. People need each other. There should be a balance of dependence and independence in every relationship.
“I’m Just Saying..”