The other day I found myself people watching. I soon noticed this couple, not because I was being nosey, but because they were arguing. I couldn’t help but notice because how loud they were. I’m couldn’t help but overhear phrases like “ you ain’t sh*t” and “dumb bi#%h.” It was pretty rough. So I left the area and let them continue. What amazed me when I returned to the same area, is that I noticed them sitting together on a bench all hugged up as if nothing happened. Can you say toxic?
I never understood how couples can fight and degrade each other so easily and make up as if that‘s okay. I’ve also never been in relationships like that either. We argued but we didn’t fight. There is a difference.
Webster defines an argument as, “a discussion involving two different viewpoints.” Two people talking, actively listening and giving their opinions to one another. The issue occurs when people confuse fighting for arguing. Webster defines fighting as “the use of weapons or physical force to try and hurt someone; defeat the enemy.” Let’s be clear, words can be weapons and your significant other is not your enemy but your partner, your teammate, your friend.
Then again, fighting is apart of human nature. We all have the fight or flight response reflex. When it comes to conflict we either face it and fight or we avoid it. But human nature is not an excuse to call your significant other a female dog. We can and have to learn how to react in an effective way for the relationship sake. We have to learn how to face and solve the disagreements instead of facing it and fighting.
So when an argument presents itself, whether with your significant other or someone random remember these points to avoid a fight:
1) You may not get your way this time and that’s okay.
2) LISTEN and Process what the other person is saying. Don’t hear what you want to hear.
3) Sometimes you have to compromise.
4) Don’t start a fight to avoid talking about the problem. Just get it over with.
5) Check your emotions. It can be hard to hear not so nice things from someone you care about but if their opinions are coming from a loving place hear them out.
6) Be respectful! Ladies do not emasculate your man. Especially not on purpose. Men do not make your woman feel less than a woman.
I’m not saying you will never argue or even fight in your relationships. Just try to be careful. Words may not be able to break bones but they can break someone’s spirit.
“I’m Just Saying..”