I don’t catch The View but maybe once a year. Maybe I’ve been missing it’s awesomeness, but a recent episode, with Terry Crews as a guest, was brought to my attention and I met my quota for the year. Crews told the audience that children need men in their lives, because there are elements of parenting and rearing that only a man can provide a child. He went on to say, “There are things that you need from your father. He gives you your name…he tells you who you are….and the second thing he gives you is your inheritance.”
The third element was security, the reassurance and self-confidence that we all need. Sherri Shepherd backed him up and agreed that there are some things that a man can offer that a woman can’t, and vice versa. Jenny McCarthy was of the mind that Crews’s logic was flawed and challenged his idea that “only” a man can give a child confidence using herself and her son Evan as examples. She went on to say that she could provide everything that a man can provide. Had I been on the show, I’d have told them that no matter who and where his/her blood relatives are, a child needs the duality and consistent positive influence of both a man and a woman. It helps to make us healthy and whole, bottom line.
If people could truly express the deep pain and hurt that many feel as a result of not having both parents in their homes to raise them, there would be a healing that could sweep across America. If Jenny McCarthy could express the emotions hidden behind her defensiveness, she and others like her might not have to be single parents. Some people don’t even know what they’re missing by not having both parents raise them and are oblivious to the fact that there may have been more to learn and experience. Then there are people who have spent so much time and energy devaluing the importance of men in recent decades that it has developed into a cancer that is plaguing our society. I have no doubt that this emasculation is a result of many of centuries of devaluing and objectifying women in the same way and that’s equally wrong. Men and women both serve specific functions; neither is more important than the other.
Men need women and women need men. Those are the cold hard facts. Equality aside, that is reality. Terry Crews told the truth as it applied to himself and his own experiences. He painted the same picture that the Bible and Game of Thrones illustrate. The first-born son received an inheritance and passed on an inheritance to his first-born son. There was emotional and financial security for a woman who accepted a man’s offer of marriage which would also extend to their children. In patriarchal societies, your name was that of your father and it represented legitimacy and created a sense of belonging.
Today, America is still a patriarchal society. Women and children accept their husband/father’s name, children receive inheritances, and not being born outside of wedlock helps to make a person feel secure. So, many of Terry’s statements hold true for today’s American and people of societies around the globe in terms of a man being the only one that can provide a child legitimacy, an inheritance, and security.
However, I don’t really believe that Crews said what he meant. I think he meant to say that children need both a father and mother in their lives, the way things used to be. I imagine that he intended to say that he did not realize until he grew older that he needed some reassurance, a sense of belonging, and a sense of purpose that he felt his father could have given him. Many Americans have become so politically correct that we’ve begun to run away from telling the hard truths.
The old ideas and stereotypes of what men and women were supposed to be are dying every day. Women don’t want to just be child-bearers and homemakers, and aren’t gonna allow their husbands to have more than one wife. Men don’t want to get married and aren’t looking for virgins to court and wed. Men don’t want to be held accountable. Industrialization, technological advancements, and globalization has afforded us the opportunity to survive without the aid of a spouse, so many of us decide against marriage.
Although it will be a struggle, we can provide for ourselves and our children without having to be married, but nothing suggests that we should. Our children suffer though. To deny the importance of having both a man and woman raise you, is to deny fifty percent of who you are.