Inspired by my “5 Tips That Will Help You Get Through Being Single” article from last week, I believed that tip number 5 deserved its own platform: Dating. According to Webster, a date is defined as an arranged appointment with person in the hopes of learning about one another. Sounds simple. You’re meeting a new person and learning about them and yourself. So why is dating become so complicated for so many people?
It’s complicated because many people don’t know what they want. What good does it do to date different guys when you don’t know what you want? When your emotions and heart are at stake it’s best to know what traits you actually like. So how can you make dating a little easier you ask? A good old fashion list!
Have you ever gone grocery shopping without a list? What usually happens? You end up buying things that do not go well together, forgetting an important ingredient, or having to return to the store. Or have you gone grocery shopping without a list and while you were hungry? You end up spending unnecessary time and money and stuck with a bunch of stuff that you don’t really want or need. Lists are important, especially when you’re “hungry for a relationship.” If you use it right it will definitely prevent unnecessary heart breaks. Mind you I said unnecessary. Heart break is a risk of dating. However, this list will help you make good and clear decisions right for you.
1) Figure out what’s important to you
Make two columns on your paper, at the top of one column write Likes and Dislikes on the other column. Now, should he be outgoing? Should she be affectionate? Should he be a non-smoker? Is it okay if they have children? These are the type of things you should ask yourself. It’s your list be as honest as you need to be. And it’s okay to include physical features. Physical features are not everything but if you are not physically attractive to your significant other their personality won’t matter. There is no such thing as a too short or too long of a list. You will see as to why as you continue reading.
2) Know your deal breakers
What are the things on your list you know you can’t live without. For example, whoever I decide to date must be considerate in my eyes. Point. Blank. Period. I will walk away if he’s not. He can have everything else on my list but if he’s not considerate I won’t be happy because it’s something I personally need. It’s okay to have multiple deal breakers. Now if you have trust as a “deal breaker” I suggest you go a little deeper. What will break your trust? A man who is inconsiderate I cannot trust him with my feelings, therefore the relationship will lack trust.
3) Compromise (You thought I was going to let you get away with those outrageous physical features didn’t you.)
When cooking from a certain recipe have you noticed that a meal can be just as tasty if you do not have a particular ingredient OR you substitute one ingredient for another? That act of compromise is just as important when it comes to “the list.” I am not saying you should settle. Remember, nobody is perfect and don’t be petty. What things are you able to “live without in a sense?” For example, I would prefer for a guy to have grown up in the same family dynamic as I have but it is not a deal breaker.
4) Update Your list
Now as we grow and go through life, our perspectives start to change. So it’s fair to update your list from time to time. It’s not set in stone. What looks good on paper may not be realistic. For example, a few years back, if a man wasn’t a Christian it was not a deal breaker. After growing up and dating men who were not a Christian I now want something different. Hey, it’s my list.
5) Be Honest With Yourself.
Be real. What do you really want from a significant other? Please do not get confused with my previous point. If it’s on your list, then you have clearly defined what this is. If you do not know what you want take time to figure that out. Remember, no unnecessary heart break.
6) Be careful who you share your list with!
Your list is your list and my list is my list. Be careful who you let influence and how much influence they have on your list. Your list. Your relationship. Your trial and error. Also do not bring your list out at a date and start checking things off in front of the guy/girl. Your list holds valuable information: they key to your heart. Let their actions speak for you. Let them show you who they really are. Your soul mate does not need a study guide to ace the test for your heart.
Like shopping, dating without having an idea of what you want can be a waste of time.
I’m Just Saying